ALGORITHM FOR A HINDI MOVIE

  1. Two brothers separated in childhood always grow up on different sides of the law. The law-breaker, however, suddenly turns over a new leaf before the end, "bashes" up the villain (who is the "real" bad guy), and is pardoned for all his sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible only if he has a heroine - see rule 2 below).

  2. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines a) dies, or b) joins the Red Cross and takes off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

  3. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

  4. Any court scene has the statement "Objection milord". If it is made by the hero, or his lawyer, it is sustained. Else, it is overruled.

  5. The hero's sister usually marries the hero's best friend (i.e. the second hero). Else, she is raped by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and commits suicide.

  6. In a chase, the hero ALWAYS overtakes the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.

  7. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he NEVER
    a) misses and,
    b) runs out of bullets. When the villain fires at the hero, he always misses (unless the hero is required to die, as in rule 2).

  8. Any fight sequence takes place in the vicinity of a stack of
    a) pots,
    b) barrels
    c) glass bottles, which get shattered to pieces.

  9. Any movie involving lost+found brothers has a song sung by
    a) the brothers
    b) their blind mother (she is required to be blind in der to regain her sight in the climax)
    c) the family dog/cat.
    These folks in the movie remember the song after 20 years, you can't seem to member it 2 minutes after coming out of the movie theatre.

  10. Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in three categories:
    a) Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killed by the villain before the titles.
    b) Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (as in Rule 1) saying "Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte", only to pat him in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector's daughter is in love with the anti-hero.
    c) The corrupt inspector, (usually the "real" villain's sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax.

Here are some common statements in Hindi movies....

Category : Top 10 statements in Hindi movies

  1. Kuttay, Kameenay mai tumhe jaan se maar doonga
  2. Mai tumhara ehasaan zindagi bhar nahin bhuloonga
  3. Itnay paisay tum kahan se laaye?
  4. Main tumharay bina mar jaa-oongi.
  5. Bacchhhaaaaaooooo.....
  6. Yeh anyay hai bhagwan
  7. Bataoo, heeray kahan hai.
  8. Tum may-re liye mar chuke ho.
  9. Police meeray peechay lagi hui hai. And the number one statement is .....
  10. Mai tumharay bachhe ki maa ban-nay waali hoon.

Here are the best of the rest...

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